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Joke of the Day
"What do you call a deer with no eyes that isn't moving? Still no idea."
Next Joke
"Mechanic: you need a new carburetor Me: you can call it a buretor, I know lots about cars, I'm like you"
"A cig takes 7 minutes off your life A piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life According to my calculations I should have died in 1812"
"What do bacteria eat for breakfast? prokaryoats"
"wife: ugh I feel so old me: you're only 36 wife: ugh me: that's like three 12yr olds wife: what me: what"
"I carry one of those tiny Swiss Army knives with me at all times. You never know when you'll need a tiny blade to thwart an attacker."
"There's no cool way to chase a bouncing ping pong ball."
"I'm half Canadian. Not really. But I am partly sorry if I happened to offend anyone."
"Great weight loss tip: Become an astronaut."
"If your problem can't be solved by me saying ""that's messed up"" and nodding a lot, then you shouldn't come to me for help"