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Joke of the Day

"what idiot called it a fly swatter and not a splatula?"

"One time I was checking out this really hot girl and she paid me for it because I was a grocery store cashier."

"hmmm public speakimg clases..? well do u hav private speakimg clases? bc i hav a secret *leans in close to u* I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO WHISPER"

"I was having sex with my sister in Alabama... She said: ""you fuck like dad does!"" I said: ""I know, mom told me so."""

"What do you call a jazz musician without a girlfriend? Homeless"

"I wanna get on a taxi and after riding around a while without saying anything, tell the driver 'I killed myself on that bridge 2 years ago'"

"Parallel lines have so much in common... It's a shame that they'll never meet."

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just 1. It's offensive that you thought this was a joke."

"If I was a cannibal I'd only eat women. Because they're seedless."

"Why did they start using liquid soaps in prisons? (if you thought because you can't drop it, guess again) Because it takes longer to pick up."