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Joke of the Day

"Roses are red, violets are blue, this poem is overused, just like your mum."

"My wife is the most beautiful, intelligent person standing right behind me reading my Twitter feed."

"Why do mermaids wear seashells? because D shells dont fit"

"Why did raggedy Ann get kicked out of the toy box? She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face screaming ""LIE TO ME""!"

"Babies are the most helpless & vulnerable of humans, it's fked up that they're the only humans you're allowed to just throw into the air."

"What does the Chicago Cubs's name stand for? Completely Useless By September"

"Nope. Not gonna follow anyone whose name is upside down. I got enough problems."

"chemistry a male and female atom are in a bar. the male goes to the female and makes a terrible pickup line for her. somehow it worked and it didn't take long for the chemistry to start."

"Holy crap what a wank... I really took a beating back there."

"What did Achilles say when he got hit by an arrow? Aww heel no! Kill me right now."