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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a gay guy and a politician? (NSFW) One will screw you in the asshole The other is an asshole screwing you"

"Why did the chicken run into a well? Because it didn't see that well."

"Why did the python return his pants? They were too constricting."

"I'm always creeped out by the guy who seems to know the age of consent laws a little too well."

"What do you call someone who smokes two doobies at once? Double jointed. What do you call someone who can smoke three at once? Dead. Don't do drugs."

"At this point, the most shocking outfit Lady Gaga could wear is a t-shirt and jeans."

"When toddlers get naked and run around giggling, it's ""cute"" and ""funny"" ...but when I do it, I'm ""drunk"" and ""not allowed back in Target"""

"Jury duty [Burps] Wow, excuse me. Judge: You're excu-STOP THAT!"

"Laura Bassett must be an alcoholic... She couldn't even wait for the game to finish before she hit the bar!"

"Remember ladies. It goes from Twitter to Kik to Voxer to cell phone number to address to being dismembered in a motel bathtub."