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Joke of the Day

"You're the Thelma to my Louise. The Ben to my Jerry. The Kanye to my Kanye."

"Just Cuz It Zips Dont Mean it Fits"

"a co-worker asked me if I was pregnant and I panicked and said yes so now I have to gradually gain like 30 pounds"

"[M] What's the hardest part of owning a cat? Telling your parents you're gay."

"They really should call the Day After Tomorrow ""Threemorrow"""

"They should make engagement ring boxes that whisper ""Dont do it"" when you open them."

"I was pooping in a bathroom with no windows when the there was a power outage. When I had to wipe my butt I couldn't see shit."

"You should skydive without a parachute. It's a once in a lifetime experience."

"[HR office] Do you know why we called you in today? To give me a pay rise? No. Because I googled 'How to burn down office' 600 times? Yes."

"Why did the thumbs-up become the universal symbol for approval? ""hey let me show u my weirdest finger because i'm down with what ur saying"""