138528

Joke of the Day

"Sometimes people say I look like Owen Wilson, and I always say the same thing to them Wooow, You're crazier than a road lizard."

"No matter how often I scream METALLICA in the poolside DJ's face I don't think he's going to play them. Here come the police they'll help me"

"What happened to the magical tractor? It turned into a field"

"My friend told me that I didn't know the meaning of the word ""ironic""... ...which was ironic, because we were at the train station."

"Why are iPhones' batteries not called apple juice Because they don't have enough juice in them ^Explanation: ^circlejerk ^on ^iPhone's ^battery ^running ^out ^fast don't kill me pls, i love apple ^yay"

"My girlfriend and I are having a disagreement. She wants a huge wedding with 500 guests and a piano player... I want us to see other people."

"A philosopher asked, ""what's worse, ignorance or apathy?"" The pupil replied, "" I don't know, and I don't care!"""

"No thanks, body wraps. If I believed magic would make me thinner, I'd eat a wizard."

"If you were a prisoner going down the stair You couldnt be more condescending."

"Why do i call my dick ""chess""? because it's hard as fuck for 6 year olds"