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Joke of the Day

"Why don't the police protest against BLM? Because they have jobs."

"Before you pride yourself on being a big fish, make sure you're not swimming in a puddle."

"Ready for battle, I taunted Monday and spit in its face, but when I woke up from my drunken haze, I realized I'd been yelling at Sunday."

"*police sirens* *Dad bursts into my room wearing a Princess Leia costume* ""HIDE THIS NO TIME TO EXPLAIN"" *throws bag of cinnamon buns at me*"

"I hate when I miss the garbage truck and just have to throw trash in the neighbors hot tub again"

"To the teenager that flipped me off for honking at you. Your phone is on top of your car."

"What do you do if you lose all the information on your computer? Ask the NSA for a backup."

"""Your under arrest!"" No, YOU'RE under arrest *police looks around points to himself & mouths 'me'* Yeah you. *he tosses me cop car keys*"

"I won every fight in 1st grade. Not because I was tough, because I was 13."

"Imagine coming back to life as a zombie but someone tied your shoes together before you were buried."