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Joke of the Day

"My neighbor put up like $3,000 worth of Christmas lights but I showed him by putting out a nativity scene with like 20 baby Jesuses"

"In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I'm right."

"Trump is blaming Sanders for the violence at his rally... because you can't truly be Hitler until you blame a jew for all your problems."

"Where do you find a dog with no legs? Wherever you left it."

"I figured out how to invade Russia You destroy all of the vodka then they'll be to sober to shoot straight."

"If you play jazz backwards, you get slightly better jazz."

"The reason cats are so pissy is they're God's perfect killing machines but they only weigh 8lbs and we keep picking them up and kissing them"

"Headphone Jack [Removed]"

"I can't sleep in my bed anymore, my mind races thinking of all the stupid stuff I've done in the past. Stupid memory foam..."

"What do you do when you see a spaceman? Park in it, man."