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Joke of the Day

"Why can't you trust girls? ...because you can't trust something that bleeds for days and doesn't die."

"We live in a society that's the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones."

"The Jewish Dilemma... Free Pork"

"Why do jews have big noses? Because air is free."

"How many retards does it take to change a light bulb? Well, line up so that I can find out.."

"How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink? When your writing becomes visible."

"""Wouldn't exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?"""

"911: What's your emergency? [sounds of struggling and growling] 911: Hello?! Me: I OFFERED THIS RACCOON MY SANDWICH BUT I CHANGED MY MIND"

"When I go to Burger King, I like to get a Whopper and a Whopper jr. then make the Whopper watch as I eat the Whopper jr."

"There is a tribe in Africa that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?"