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Joke of the Day
"My dad got fired recently for sleeping on the job. He didn't like being a pilot that much anyway."
Next Joke
"Q: Why is Bill infuriated with Chelsea's new private school? A: They broke family tradition by making her wear a uniform."
"cut a hole in the bottom of my tub of popcorn while on a date so when she goes for some she accidentally grabs a copy of my mixtape"
"How do pirates measure rope? In yarr'ds."
"What is Alzheimer's? WHAT IS ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE? * Is it A) Memory Loss? * Is it A) Memory Loss? * Or is it false?"
"What kind of pictures do turtles take? Shellfies!"
"How could you tell that the figure skater was a mathematician? Because of the Fibonacci sequins."
"BANISTER A man comes home from work to find his wife sliding down the banister. ""What are you doing?"" he asks. She answers, ""Warming up your dinner."""
"Q: How do convicts get drugs while they're in prison? A: Some asshole brings 'em in."
"My dog eats his puke and dirty tissues... but I point him to a mushroom I dropped and he gives me the ""what is this shit"" look."