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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a soldier who has been mustard gassed and pepper sprayed? A seasoned veteran.. I'm so sorry"

"A girlfriend and boyfriend are talking... The girl says, ""hey John, how do you spell 'pedophilia?'"" He responds, ""gosh honey, why do you need to know? That's an awfully big word for an 8 year old."""

"LPT: A quick way to find out if you're allergic to nuts Eat nuts."

"So it's world Philosophy day today and I was trying to think of something deep to say... The best I could come up with was lagoon."

"So Mrs Lincoln... Besides that, how'd you like the play?"

"Tom Brady is a clever mastermind He learned from another great American hero named Tom and convinced Bill Belichick to whitewash his offenses."

"You're so ugly that You're so ugly when you went to the store to get your photos developed they threw away the memory card"

"You people from the internet freak me the fuck out."

"Did you hear about the temple that burnt down? Holy smokes."

"What's a pirate's favorite letter? The C"