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Joke of the Day

"i don't need a ""previously on..."" ive been watching this show for 9 hours straight"

"My 8 year old daughter said she needed a new head coach at school I figured why not have my wife be the new head coach? She's great at it!"

"BREAKING: Israel Planning Surgery to Have its Dick Removed From GOP candidates Mouths"

"Passenger: Does this bus go to London? Conductor: No. Passenger: But it says London on the front. Conductor: There's an advertisement for baked beans on the side but we don't sell them!"

"What do you call a chicken at the north pole? Lost."

"What do you call a man who thinks women are easy to lie to? Deceased"

"What was Batman's greatest accomplishment? Pulling a Robin out of Bruce Wayne's Dick"

"""I've got chills. They're multiplying."" ""Sir, you're going into shock. Please stop narrating--"" ""And I'm losing control."" ""Sir!"""

"I'm thinking of opening a pre-owned clock store... I'm gonna call it 'Second Hand'."

"Date: So what do you do for fun? Me: [Flashes back to me tightly strapping a Rolex around a quail] I love bird watching."