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Joke of the Day

"Bad news: you're unable to get pregnant. Oh no! Is it my uterus, doctor? No, your eHarmony profile says you've seen Star Wars 13 times."

"Which dinosaur walks with a limp? a Myfeetasaur"

"I used to think Paul Walker was Gay Turns out he's flamming"

"Great Britains new Prime Minister Did you see that Boris Johnson might be the next Prime Minister of Great Britain? I remember when the U.S. had a BJ in the top office!"

"Salesman: This jug is genuine Indian pottery. Customer: But it says ""Made in Cleveland."" Salesman: Haven't you ever heard of the Cleveland Indians?"

"Me and Julio At Least 500 Feet Away From the Schoolyard"

"*cop frisking me* Cop: ""theres nothin in your pockets that will poke me, right?"" Uh, no Cop: ""OW!"" *baby porcupine jumps out* RUN POKEY, RUN"

"What did Jesus say at the last supper? You guys wanna take a picture? Ok come over to this side of the table."

"Excuse me, doctor - my husband was rushed in with violent spasms in his buttocks. Where is he?"" ""ICU baby, shaking that ass"""

"My work signed me up for a 401k But I've never even run a marathon"