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Joke of the Day

"The guy who spelled 'Wednesday' like that sure pulled off some shit."

"Twitter's original name was ""Sentence Contest"""

"I put a lot of basil, parsley, rosemary and thyme in my old Volkswagen Beetle... ..it became herby."

"so I heard The Rock was cooking... can you smell it?"

"[consoling widow] I was the one who put the kick me sign on your husband. I had no idea you owned a horse that can read"

"What is big and red and rolls over in the snow? Santa Claus hit in the balls!"

"HR: You know why we called you down? Me:Hm. Promotion? HR: You know we monitor internet usage right? Me: I'd like to reporting a hacking."

"My parents taught me that if I tried hard I could be anything I wanted to be. Sure they just meant for Halloween, but it was still nice."

"What do you do when your dishwasher breaks? Get a new wife"

"If you are what you eat Then I'm a big pussy and my wife is a dick"