13300

Joke of the Day

"Dog: I like pizza. Me: You've never had pizza. Dog: It's food. Me: So? Dog: So I like it. Me: I'm not giving you my pizza."

"How the hell is the director of the CIA unable to hide an affair?"

"Hypothetically, when is the right time to tell your divorce attorney that you've never been married and you love spending time with him?"

"How can you tell if a redditor is a pedophile? When you make an ELI5 post, you end up receiving a dick pic."

"My girlfriend told me I was one in a million When I looked through her text messages, I had to admit she was right."

"What's a vampire's favourite dance? The vaults!"

"What is the difference between Saint Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day? On Saint Patrick's Day everybody wants to be Irish."

"What happened to the two gladiator olives? They were pitted against each other"

"Culturally speaking... Having a McDonald's in a WalMart is like finding a cyst in a tumour."

"What do you call it when... A guy from Massachusetts doesn't pull out? A Boston cream pie!"