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Joke of the Day

"*The Terminator opens a fortune cookie. ""It is ok to kill many people. Many killings are coming your way."" John: I know it doesn't say that."

"I think the saying ""every man for himself"" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches"

"Lee: I just swallowed a fish bone! Counselor: Are you choking? Lee: No I'm serious!"

"I want to die like my grandfather . ..peaceful . . . ready to go. Not kicking and screaming like the passengers in his car"

"if we're being honest, angelica from rugrats is probably a stripper with a cocaine addiction now."

"How does a frog fasten two objects together? Rivets."

"accidentally called the guy at the oil change place ""mom"""

"Whenever I'm watching paint dry I like to listen to James Bay ... Just to really complete the experience"

"What do Nihilist's believe in..."

"Your mama is so dirty Her crabs have dirt bike races."