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Joke of the Day

"Saw a bad accident from my hot air balloon so I tried landing to help but just ended up killing everyone even worse"

"What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer? Mick Jagger sings ""eh you, get offa mai cloud"", but the Scottish farmer says ""eh McLeod, get offa mai ewe!"

"Ain't no sandwich when she's gone."

"UNICORN: I love the forest! I love my horn! Life is wonderf [Pegasus flies over chased by babes] UNICORN: God why have you forsaken me"

"How do you start making big bucks? With a little doe"

"A cannibal passed his friend in the woods."

"I used to work in children's wear, but I grew out of it."

"What have I got in my hands? A double decker bus! You looked!"

"Why do gay men get so much hate? Because sometimes, they're fucking assholes."

"Me: What do you think of my tweets? Wife: They're all pretty terrible. Me: Don't you have ANYTHING positive to say? Wife: You're consistent."