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Joke of the Day

"When I go to a business that offers hand sanitizer by the cash register, I spit in it and say, ""If it works, that shouldn't be a problem."""

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"What company spent over $6.2 billion in buying Viagra? Microsoft"
"Whoever decided to print nutritional information on ice cream cartons should be arrested and tried for the murder of my happiness."
"""Daddy, how do stars die?"" ""Drugs, normally."""
"Being handed a flyer is the offline version of a pop-up ad."
"Latvian Christmas Christmas Eve father ask son what want christmas. Son say potato. Father say ""Ok. Santa bring potato."" Next day boy is learn Santa no exist."
"I fell of a 50ft ladder today! Luckily, I was only on the second step."
"Called the rape advice hotline last night.. Apparently it's only for victims."
"*On date* Her: hey, how are you? Me: yeah really g.. BRAIN: *interrupting* TELL HER THAT RAP ABOUT ANTS YOU MADE UP ON THE WAY HERE."
"A feminist asked me how I see lesbians Apparently in ""HD"" wasn't the right answer"