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Joke of the Day

"I bought a universal remote today. I was disappointed to find out that it does not, in fact, control the universe. Not even remotely."

"What smells like shit, looks dead, and doesnt give a fuck? Gamers"

"A guy knocked on my door asking for a donation to the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water."

"[sermon] There will come a day when Christ will drive out evil from our land, and it will be the Judgment Day! *T-1000 shifts nervously*"

"Reality T.V. Show Idea: Put The Kardashians, Honey Boo Boo, and the Jersey Shore cast on a island. Have them fight it out until the last one stands and call it ""Who Gives A Fuk"""

"I tried a new shampoo that adds extra volume but I found it too loud."

"Why do Marxists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft."

"""Dad, did you know in some countries men don't know their wives till after they get married?"" ""Um, it's like that in every country, son."""

"A black man and a Pakistani fell from a cliff. Which landed first? The black man because the Pakistani was a shade lighter."

"Trump and a mate were getting drinks at a bar..... After a few drinks..... Trump: What is the useless skin around a woman's pussy? Mate: I have no idea. Trump (with a smirk): The rest of the woman!"