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Joke of the Day

"I bet ""Fifty Shades of Grey"" won't make that much money because most of the people who want to see it are tied to a bedpost."

"I'm sorry' and I apologize' generally mean the same thing Except at Funerals"

"Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants."

"My daughter wanted to be a princess... ...so I got divorced, married a horrible woman with three ugly kids, and left them all to it."

"Can someone go to the gym and work out for me? I'm trying to finish this pint of ice cream. Thanks"

"Dark humor is like a child with cancer... It never gets old"

"Do you guys remember 10 years ago, when all the people with gluten allergies were dying in the streets like diseased cattle?"

"How do you kill a circus? You stab it in the juggler."

"When I was young, I thought girls didn't poop Now I realize they're all full of shit"

"Why do birds fly south for the winter? Because it's too far to walk"