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Joke of the Day

"Dear Fork, I know we haven't spoken since I ran away with Dish, but I thought you should know you have a son. His name is Spork. He has your hair. Sincerely, Spoon"

"I'd make a great housewife. I'd boil you a chicken every night. I'd boil you so many meats."

"What do Sea Monsters eat? Fish and Ships."

"I went outside for a minute and a bug touched me, so it looks like I'm back inside forever now."

"My girlfriend asked me if I was a pedophile. I told her: ""That's a big word for a six year old!"""

"Why doesn't ISIS attack Israel? Same reason children don't attack their parents..."

"Why did the punster enjoy the Broadway show about etymology? Because it was a play on words."

"I keep my monocle freshly waxed so it easily slips out of my eye socket and falls into my cup of tea whenever I'm shocked by your behavior."

"Someday I wish to experience the moment of joy that seems to only exist in Old Navy commercials."

"Highways are a lot like toilets... It only takes a couple big shits to back everything up."