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Joke of the Day

"At the bank, I told the teller I'd like to open a joint account She asked ""Okay, with whom?"" ""With whoever had the most money"" I answered"

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"If it looks like a duck & swims like a duck & talks like an angry duck policeman, then you about to fail a sobriety test son"
"How many tax auditors does it take to find a $1.00 mistake in an expense report? Three. One to find the mistake and two to discuss the significance of it."
"RED RIDING HOOD: what big pupils you have grandmother WOLF: yeah I found some pills in the bathroom I love you they're unreal you want some?"
"What's in a name? Boy asks a girl: Is your name WiFi? Girl: No, why? Boy: Because I am feeling a connection."
"What did the right breast say to the left breast in the mirror? You look like a right tit in that."
"Three guys walked into a bar... the fourth one ducked."
"Utensils Guy 1: ""Hey, did you hear that Joe got knifed the other day?"" Guy 2: ""That's forked up!"" Guy 1: *glares at Guy 2* Guy 2: ""What? Too spoon?*"
"[customs] ""Passport?"" *I lift up my bag & a severed head falls out* ME: OH NO OH GOD *still rummaging through bag* ME: I've forgotten it"
"The last human alive will get no funeral."
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