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Joke of the Day

"How do you fix a pumpkin With a pumpkin patch... I'm so sorry."

"What quality was the wine that Jesus made ? Bloody good."

"When I die I want to be cremated and blown in the faces of my enemies"

"I was going to do a Liam Neeson joke, but I feel like the best ones have already been taken."

"[hospital] *crying* Jim it's your turn to change the baby *picks up baby* -Ok brb *comes back holding a black baby* -I think they're onto us"

"Someone who blocked me on Twitter just added me on Instagram. If you can't love me at my bad jokes, you don't deserve me at my cat photos."

"I have an irrational fear of large intricate corporate buildings. You could say I have a complex complex complex."

"What do Japanese Cannibals Eat Raw-men"

"There's a cricket living outside my apartment. I'm all ""Cricket, it's winter, shouldn't you die?"" and he's all ""Chirp!"" and we laugh."

"How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb? 1..... Because they are very efficient, but not very funny. Courtesy of my brother /u/twinhawk"