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Joke of the Day
"Smoke alarms are stupid -- like I'd ever forget to smoke."
Next Joke
"[job interview] ""So what would you say is your biggest weakness?"" ""I'm pretty bad at reading situations."" *tries to kiss interviewer*"
"What's the difference between swine flu and bird flu? For swine flu, you use oink-ment and for bird flu, you get tweet-ment."
"Cat lovers."
"Why don't tortoises wear scarves? They have turtlenecks"
"What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious"
"Waiter waiter! There's a spider in my soup. Send for the manager! It's no good sir he's frightened of them too."
"What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life, and you're just starting back at your last checkpoint?"
"A islamic dial ripoff made a new type of hand soap. Aloe Akbar."
"I had a stomach ache... My SO asked what's wrong, I said ""I have a clog in my intestines"" she responds with ""you need to stop eating shoes"""