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Joke of the Day

"Man stands up to get knocked down, woman lays down to get knocked up."

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"My girlfriend refused to make a porno with me.. saying there are enough vine stars already"
"Ever heard the song Coldplay wrote about the American Civil War? It goes: ""When you try your best, but you don't secede""."
"How did John Lennon play the bass on Helter Skelter...... .....He played with a plastic ruler at the end of a desk."
"I dated an hermaphrodite... It was an ""hermaphrodate"""
"Have you ever tried duck sausage? Why don't you duck on down and get you some?"
"Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover."
"Why is the Vagina like the weather? Once it's wet, it's time to go inside!"
"I like my women like WTC7, going down for no reason, that's a conspiracy joke that 9/11 people won't get, it's an inside joke."
"My girlfriend started bleeding during sex, and I told her to suck it up. In a few years, she'll bleed every month."