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Joke of the Day

"I always thought Apple was filled with giant assholes, but boy was I wrong Turns out they're really just tiny jack-offs"

"Kid, if you don't know whether your Batman costume is pre or post reboot continuity, you don't deserve candy. Also, Batman doesn't cry."

"kid, we've been tracking your performance on the self checkout... you're the best we've ever seen. we'd like you to become our head cashier"

"I lost a finger in an accident today. It sucks but on the other hand... I still have all five."

"party idea: ""DUI or IUD?"" u can only invite people who have one or both and u CAN'T divulge which"

"What is the difference between a girl and a washer? The washer doesn't follow you around after you put a load in it."

"My brother told me he thinks I invade his privacy Well he didn't actually tell me. I read it in his diary."

"What did the Elephant say to the naked man? That's cute but can you breath through it?"

"How Many Cops Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb? None, they will just beat the room for being black."

"I hate it when people don't close parentheses. (They're brackets by the way"