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Joke of the Day

"I was quite an upbeat child, I used to think CCTV was a very, very positive Spanish television channel"

"2 hr flight, better buy 8 lbs of fruit and nut mix."

"I've said it before and I'll say it again I've said it before"

"Why did the lady with multiple personality disorder share her food with a friend? Because Sharon is Karen."

"It's no coincidence the people who call the cops when parties get loud are the people who never get invited to parties."

"Cop - ""sir, are you a salamander?"" Me - [is 9 inches long. enjoys a mixed diet of earthworms, flies, beetles and vegetation]"

"I look fat. Can you give me a compliment? You have perfect eyesight."

"Why is it so quiet when pterodactyls use the restroom? Their P is silent."

"I just pimped my car. Now it has extra whorespower."

"I have a feeling his life would have gone in a different direction had his name been Kanye East."