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Joke of the Day

"I texted my wife with ""ROTFHAHA"" & she replied with ""LMAO"" so I don't think she understands that I'm having a heart attack."

"What do Mexicans put under their carpet? UNDERLAY! UNDERLAY!"

"Marijuana doesn't kill your brain cells. You're just an idiot."

"In the meantime I plan on absolutely crushing it over on LinkedIn."

"They say that Insanity is hereditary... you get it from your kids."

"Why is Ireland so rich? Because their capital is always Dublin."

"Why do trees shed their leaves in fall? Because they've had their chloro-fill."

"You know a girl is mad when she starts off her sentence saying, ""I just find it funny how..."" because there's a 99.9% chance she did not find it funny."

"*gets hit by a car* Passerby: ""ARE YOU OKAY?"" Me: ""Please... I need my... phone"" *opens Twitter* Me: ""LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"""

"What does an iPhone 7 and The Titanic have in common? The end has no Jack."