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Joke of the Day

"What happens when you ditch a gf for another she will become bff with your new gf, and become lesbians"

"There's a part of me that still loves you. I hit that part with a hammer. Stupid part."

"My ex-wife still misses me... But her aim is gettin better."

"I got attacked by a yob with bat down the local park yesterday.. I was really impressed with how well he had it trained"

"How do you make a handkerchief dance? ....put a little boogie in it. :| I'm sorry."

"Anything related to Halloween doesn't scare me. What scares me is when I flush someone else's toilet and the water keeps rising."

"What does Donald Trump play most of the time? President Evil."

"Me: Bless me Father, for I have sinned. Padre: What is your sin, my child? Me: Twitter. Padre: Wow, if I had a nickel for every time . . ."

"I bet the first guy who threw shit into a fan never knew what an incredible legacy he would leave."

"6 months ago my doctor gave me 6 months to live. But when I couldn't pay my bill today, he decided to give me another 6 months."