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Joke of the Day

"How does Bob Ross masturbate? He beats the devil out of it."

"My girlfriend started smoking... ...so I slowed down and applied lubricant."

"Customer: ""Hi I'm supposed to pack [zip] my database and send it to you. What should I pack it in?"""

"My minivan is always rocking, but it's usually because I'm trying to smack one of the kids in the backseat while I drive."

"Kid: Just bought a chicken, a bar, a door with no doorbell and a doctors surgery Man: Where did you buy all that junk? Kid: At the Joke shop."

"Why was the wife worried that her husband was a light drinker? Every night, he'd go out and drink until it was light."

"A cook's apprentice is throwing copious amounts of herbs into the dish When the cook walks in and says ""STOP WASTING MY THYME"""

"Sorry I can't pay my rent this month, I bought an apple at the airport."

"The other day I found two gold bars. I've always dreamed of an Au pair."

"I put as much effort into life... As the guy who named the sleeping bag"