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Joke of the Day

"Him: Hey, you really think that doing all those shots are going to make you forget that you got fired? Me: I got fired?"

"[police interrogation room] Officer: you've been identified as the runner who.. Me: Let me stop you right there."

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - King Kong Barbie ...six foot tall ape holding Barbie doll dressed like Fae Rae"

"What about breakfast teaches us the difference between ""interested"" and ""committed""? In a ham and egg sandwich, the chicken had an interest, but the pig is committed."

"What do you call a 5 year old with no friends? A sandyhook survivor. ...."

"I was arrested on my way to school today on suspicion of being a terrorist Turns out I bombed the test"

"Why was the New Englander so intent on looking for his khakis? Cuz he needed to pahk da cah in da yahd."

"I'm the first base coach for my son's baseball team tonight and boy it's really awkward teaching 7 year olds about kissing."

"Finally goes to open-mic night. gets on stage. bombs so badly gets arrested for terrorism. #BucketListFails"

"Now that 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships,I'm left wondering. . .Is it my wife or my girlfriend that's cheating?"