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Joke of the Day

"What dries your clothes but can also make you writhe around in agony? A tumblr."

"Ever heard a good joke about sodium? Na"

"Before I really understood sarcasm people would say things like ""oh, well look who it is"" and I'd be like ""it's me Karen, I'm your daughter"""

"Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippy? Because he was too far out, man."

"What do you call an emotionally unstable animal who lives in alaska and vacations in antarctica? A BIPOLAR BEAR"

"Did you know pillows have their own website? Really? Well you could knock me down with a feather!"

"The 21st century: Deleting history is often more important than making it.."

"[at funeral] Me: ""I'm sorry your husband died in that boating accident in Venice"" Widow: ""please no.... Me: ""you have my gondolances"""

"I got arrested for breaking into the Chinese restaurant. Don't worry, my attorney said that I'll probably wok."

"Have you heard the joke about the pencil? It's not really worth it, it doesn't have a point."