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Joke of the Day

"What dries your clothes but can also make you writhe around in agony? A tumblr."

"My favorite part of the Bible is when God gives humans free will, then kills them with a flood because they didn't act the way he wanted."

"Decided to take all my old watches and join them together to make a new belt... turned out to be a waist of time."

"Corn Nuts is the name of a delicious snack treat. And a horrible medical condition."

"I heard Bill Cosby made a SexTape. . . It's twice as strong as Duct Tape."

"Sitting in the back of a police car ""Excuse me, could I have the AUX chord, please?"""

"canadian bacon is just like regular bacon but with health insurance and a passion for hockey."

"[at the gym] PERSONAL TRAINER: What kind of body do you want to have? ME: *leans in close* I'd prefer human"

"How many Hilary Clinton supporters does it take to change a lightbulb? None- they prefer to be kept in the dark"

"I only date girls that smoke weed I guess you can say I have high standards"