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Joke of the Day
"""I hate the last two minutes of everything."" - DVR"
Next Joke
"What do you say to a thin American? How's the chemotherapy going?"
"""Bite me, asshole"" - grammatically correct and scathing ""Bite me asshole"" - kinky pirate"
"I, too, am shocked Ted Cruz has had sex. I just assumed his kids were born when he ate after midnight and got wet like in the movie Gremlins"
"Ladies, if all he does is make you cry then maybe you're dating an onion and not a man."
"So I was walking down the street... and this guy with premature ejaculation just came out of nowhere."
"Why did the mermaid wear SeaShells? Because she outgrew her B-Shells. Ha..."
"What's the worst thing your wife can text you after she sends you nudes? ""Oops, wrong person."""
"What do Libyan people put in their TV remotes? Tripoli batteries."
"Sleep is always the answer. Upset? Go to sleep. Not feeling well? Go to sleep. Already asleep? Stop making excuses and go to sleep harder."