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Joke of the Day

"I'm the cat whisperer. because I whisper, ""I could kill you with my bare hands"" to them daily."

"what's cool about Mitt Romney is that when you put politics aside he's still a genuinely detestable person"

"What do you call a group of scientologist almonds? Nuts."

"I would vote for Trump if I could because I've never seen a president get assassinated"

"Well, you know what they say about guys with big feet... it takes a Chinese newborn an extra three hours to make their goddamned shoes."

"What is your best orphan/dark joke? This will hopefully be sfw but my have strong words."

"So I'm banging this chick and she looks back and me and says, ""DADDY I'm CUMMINGGG"".... So I say ""Hi Cumming, I'm Dad""."

"I discovered the number one reason OP never delivers. #"

"I'm sorry this birthday cake suffered a severe accident where my hand fell into it and a chunk of it filled my mouth."

"So I just saw the music video for Radioactive, and if you think fighting stuffed animals is weird... ...Imagine Dragons."