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Joke of the Day

"""Did you remember to take the dog out?"" Ah crap, I forgot [Dog storms in] I sat at the restaurant for HOURS"

"Why George RR Martin doesn't utilize suicide bombers in GoT? Because he does not have enough virgins left in the story"

"Me: if u kill a murderer the number of murderers in the world doesn't change Her: yeah... anyway your total will be $8.49 at the 2nd window"

"What's an epileptic man's least favorite element? Cesium."

"A deer walked out of a gay bar and said... I just blew ten bucks in there!"

"If insanity is doing the same thing over & over and expecting different results, I must be sane cause I don't even like doing things once."

"Whenever I tinker with the idea of a having a relationship, I go spend a night with my married friends."

"What is it called when two tectonic plates have a romantic relationship? Subduction!"

"What do you get when you eat all the potatoes? They're all gone!"

"When someone asks me to think outside the box. I think about anal sex."