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Joke of the Day

"I'm gonna start giving bad news to people in that cute, high pitched voice I use to talk to kids and dogs."

"What's the difference between Batman and a black man? Batman can go to a store without robbin'."

"What happens when Donald Trump takes Viagra? He grows taller."

"I am busy contemplating my future. Don't worry, this will only take a minute."

"I was gonna tell a football joke to Payton Manning....... But it went over his head"

"ME: [sitting in kitchen writing out bills] SON: I lost a tooth. I'm gonna leave it under my pillow tonight. ME: I'd wait until next week."

"What idiot called it a vet instead of a dogtor."

"Why did Carrie Fisher enjoy doing her one-woman show? Because she nailed that Solo."

"What Happens when the Cubs win the World Series? ...They Leave a Trail of Tears"

"*spends 4 hours applying sunscreen to kids *kids play outside for 7 minutes"