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Joke of the Day

"I'm gonna start giving bad news to people in that cute, high pitched voice I use to talk to kids and dogs."

"How do you make a squid laugh? Ten tickles."

"I'm about as excited for hilary to be president, as Bill is when he sees her naked."

"I tried kicking the habit today. The nun wearing it is extremely pissed."

"What were the odds that Matt Damon made it off Mars? Astronomical"

"I accidentally wore a red shirt to Target today and, long story short, I'm covering for Debbie this weekend."

"So Donald Trump is only getting $1 a year as president? You could probably get an immigrant to do a better job for a cheaper price."

"How to get a divorce Wife: Honey, how do I look? Husband: Like a.. Well, great! Wife: Good great or bad great? Husband: Overflowing sewer grate."

"I hope everyone on this flight covers for me by standing and announcing ""No, I am Fartacus!"" as we deplane."

"Is there a difference between men and women? Yes, there is a vas deferens!"