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Joke of the Day

"Whenever someone holds my baby & he makes even a tiny peep, I yell ""WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BABY WHY ARE YOU BURNING MY BABY!?"""

"Who called it death by autoerotic asphyxiation and not final fantasy"

"Russell Crowe never regrets cunnilingus He'll always be Gladiator."

"Pacifist I'll pass a fist right through your fuckin' face nigga."

"The last time I twisted the night away it resulted in two law suits and a medicare plan."

"Autocorrect just changed ""Selfies"" to ""Selfless"" so I just took a picture without me in it."

"I bought a locket today and put my own picture in it. Guess now I really am.... A reposter"

"How much does a rabbi charge for a circumcision? Nothing, he just keeps the tips."

"Wifey put some girly glitter soap in the bathroom. This morning I look like I either just came from the strip club, or showered with Ke$ha."

"What's the German super hero called? Ale-Man"