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Joke of the Day

"""I just can't wait to hear the audible gasps of amazement from everyone who enters my house."" -Me after spending 6 minutes cleaning"

"How come north Carolina is the bluest state? Raleigh scattering"

"No one has stolen my lunch at work since I started labeling it ""Stool Sample."""

"I don't understand Facebook. If I wanted to convince complete strangers that my life was better than theirs I'd become a rapper."

"I don't understand the point of lap-dancing clubs. If I wanted a woman to take all my money and sexually frustrate me, I'd stay at home with the wife."

"Why was 6 afraid of 7? Doctor: I'll be with you in a minute."

"It isn't a successful BBQ until some drunken idiot walks face first into a closed sliding glass door. I'm fine by the way."

"How do you call a party with people who have epilepsy? Foam fest"

"Just spent another day totally agreeing with everything pretty girls say."

"How do you make a tissue dance? You put a gun to it's head and tell it to."