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Joke of the Day

"I was told that tipping your server is normal in America But apparently this will get you fired as a systems administrator."

"My dad is so cheap. He scolded me for running home behind the bus once, and saving the *fare. He said I should have run behind a taxi, and saved a lot more."

"I'm making a graph on my previous exs It has an Ex axis and a Why axis."

"TIFU by ordering the wrong sandwich for my wife. Oops, wrong sub. Edit: Turns out this has been posted before :("

"What type of candy bar does Snake eat? Snake-kers (Snickers)"

"The hot lady across the street had a seizure on her front lawn today. Her MILF shakes brought the paramedics to the yard."

"Love is like peeing yourself.... everyone can see but only you feel the warmth."

"President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time."

"Why could Frankenstein's Monster not have children? Because his nuts were in his neck!"

"What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a dollar-fifty, and deer nuts are under a buck."