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Joke of the Day

"Ghost: Are you coming to my party? Spook: Where is it? Ghost: In the morgue - you know what they say the morgue the merrier."

"Make someone's day better by not showing up for work"

"[interrogation] ""What do u do for a living?"" Jewel thief. ""Louder for the tape."" [leans in] Cool beef. I bring hot beef down in temperature."

"Guns don't kill people People that have 5 kids, 1 cat, 2 ex-mother-in-laws & work 50 hours a week without wine in their life, kill people"

"My son just announced ""I like snacks."" I'm off to draft a press release."

"So I see Keira Knightley has named her daughter Edie.. Guess her name won't be the only thing without double D's"

"What did one tonsil say to the other? Get dressed, the doctor is taking us out tonight!"

"""Wouldn't exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?"""

"I like my women like I like my wine Red and full of alcohol."

"Did you hear about the guru who refused to let the dentist use Novocain to numb his mouth? The guru said he wanted to transcend dental medication"