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Joke of the Day

"""Use divorce, Luke."" """" Obi Wan, marriage counselor"

"She said ""you look like trouble""...so I nudged her down the stairs, because I don't like people falling short of their expectations."

"I saw a sign the other day the made me fucking piss my pants... ...it said ""Bathroom Closed"""

"I just got a new hearse Everyone is dying to take a ride in it"

"Did you hear about the lady whose house was infested with Easter eggs? She had to call an eggs-terminator!"

"Did you hear about the blonde identical twins? They couldn't tell each other apart."

"My therapist told me that if ignorance is bliss, there's no reason for me to be on antidepressants."

"*Ok, don't let them know you're a dog* Him: The job is yours. Here's the keys to your new office. [tosses keys] *catches keys in my mouth*"

"What do you call a Mormon who switches religion? A mormoff!"

"I used to be in a band called Missing Cat' You've probably seen our posters."