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Joke of the Day

"""Use divorce, Luke."" """" Obi Wan, marriage counselor"

"Dude on Amtrak I sized up as being a lawyer just used ""litigation"" during a phone call. Feeling powerful right now."

"The boss enters the office and asks his underling.. ..""what's the name of the asian punctual co-worker?"" ""Tai Ming, Sir."""

"Did you hear about the Psychic midget that escaped prison? He was a small medium at large."

"If Trump dies in office he won't even admit it. He'll keep tweeting from the grave: ""VERY dishonest coroner's report says I died. Sad!"""

"The Americans are aiding Ukraine in their war against Russia. Their new, revolutionary strategy is to clog the Russians arteries. They call it *Operation* *Dunkin'* *Donetsk*."

"*CRASH* *THUMP* *SCREAM* *Husband runs into bedroom* H: OHMYGOD ARE YOU OKAY? Me: Yeah. Just taking off my sports bra."

"Why didn't Bungie stick with Halo? Because it wasn't their Destiny."

"What does a woman's arsehole do when she is having great intercourse? He is at home taking care of the kids."

"Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you'll wish you had a fucking club and a spade."