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Joke of the Day
"I've just bought a house with period features She hates that nickname."
Next Joke
"[wife calls] did you write ""make all the traps from home alone"" on the calendar [me at hardware store holding paint cans and feathers] ""no"""
"What's Chris Brown's favorite professional sport? Sockher"
"What do you want to eat a week after thanksgiving? Anything but fucking turkey..."
"Upon seeing my wife and my mate fucking in our bed, I noticed that they made a very beautiful couple. So I clubbed them together"
"What did one depressed saggy boob say to the other? We better get some support before people think we're nuts!"
"What's black and taps on the window? A baby in the microwave :)"
"Ultimately, even the mighty invincible Achilles was killed with a bowshot to his foot. Time wounds all heels"
"Asked the burd in Krispy kremes for 5 Nutella donuts and she says ""have you got any nut allergies"" aye pal I'm planning suicide by donut"
"What did Honey Boo Boo's father say after he didn't pull out? Uh oh... I think I made a boo boo."