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Joke of the Day

"How do you kill a clown? DING DONG. Someone got the joke."

"Someone should have warned me, that when you have kids, they talk to you, like, ALL. THE. TIME."

"I tried changing my facebook name into Stephen Hawking but it said the username is invalid."

"Heard a Beethoven piece & a Ke$ha song yesterday. Which one is deaf again?"

"Most of us are 2 feet away from being a double amputee..."

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breasts? One is a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean."

"The doctor told me I should stop masturbating today. So I look him straight in the eye and asked him ""why?"". And then he said something about not being able to work in these conditions."

"Lawyers out there, if I see any of my Tweets being used on Comedy Central can I sue..... Oh you don't think that will ever be an issue, okay"

"You are like snow. White. Pretty to look at. I used to like to play with you but now I'll pay someone to get rid of you."

"Cleaning out the garage, I found some things I didn't even realize I had. Like a tent, a new printer, and a fourth kid."