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Joke of the Day

"I downloaded the Pinterest app and now my phone is stuck in a mason jar."

"[at the gym] PERSONAL TRAINER: have you exercised at all in the past? *flashbacks to holding my gut in for the past ten years* ME: totes"

"What did the roadman say when he saw the Mona Lisa? That's a peng ting."

"Where do poor meatballs live? The Spaghetto."

"The Ancient Mayans have predicted the world will end on December 21, 2012. They also worshipped a Corn God named Ah Mun."

"What do you call a blonde on a college campus? A visitor"

"First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that's vanity? Second girl: No it's imagination."

"What do you call it when a Cat wins a Dogshow? Cat-has-trophy. Such punny. Much Cringe."

"I'll always remember my dad's last words on his death bed: 'Son, what are you doing with that pillow?'"

"I'm a lady on the streets but a silly fake ghost in the sheets"