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Joke of the Day

"Dad, can I have another cup of water? Dad: But its your 12th cup tonight! Son: I know, the baby's room is still on fire."

"""And make it obvious."" -what I assume some ladies getting plastic surgery say"

"You're too drunk, dear. Alcohol you later."

"What do you call Dubstep on a Mac? iDropIt"

"Is the opposite of progress... ...congress?"

"What do Hurricane Matthew and Kim Kardashian have in common? They'll both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV"

"The rotation of the earth. It really makes my day."

"So I Was Going to Kill Myself But I hear whales are endangered."

"I have an epileptic friend... He's a jerk..."

"What did Oliver Twist say at the slave auction? Please sir, I want some moors."