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Joke of the Day

"An Old woman is having breakfast with elderly husband when she says LET'S GO UPSTAIRS AND HAVE SEX"" he replies ""PICK ONE,I CAN'T DO BOTH"""

"[landlord showing new tenant around] ""No smoking allowed"" ""How about pets?"" ""That's fine"" [dog walks in and lights up] ""We'll take it"""

"Nike just announced it will now be using robots instead of children to make shoes Unfortunately, the robots will be made by children."

"Did you hear about the man that submitted all those entries to the pun contest? He was hoping one would take first place, but no pun in ten did."

"Princess: U alone? Luigi: Ya. Mario lookin 4 u underwater. P: lol. wut? L: ya idk. meet up? P: sure. go-karts L: k i'll bring bananas"

"If you think your job tires you... ...try working for Goodyear"

"How many reposts does it take to change a subreddit? More than we have now. This sub is still shit."

"If pronouncing my b's as v's makes me sound Russian, Then soviet."

"I'm afraid of people who keep smiling all the time. I feel like they still have plenty of space left for more bodies in their basement."

"How do you spell hypocrisy? R-E-L-I-G-I-O-N"