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Joke of the Day

"I shat on my girlfriends roof. I need to wipe the slate clean."

"My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well !!!"

"From my 11 year old cousin: What do you get if you cross a pond with snowshoes? Wet."

"[Justice League HQ] SUPERMAN: Looks like Batman is hungry tonight MOTHMAN: [visibly sweating] I think I'll just fight daytime crimes"

"No recovering from getting your arm stuck in a Pringles can on a first date."

"The inauguration ceremony should be like the olympics. They can play the US national anthem, then the Russian one."

"'Dances with Wolves'... But it's just me, running around my backyard with an uncooked steak, screaming, while the neighborhood dogs bark."

"What did Ryu say when I asked if I could have some of his food? ***SHORYUKEN***"

"[describing sketch artist to criminal] He was pretty good at drawing pictures."

"""I know you! You were one of the bad guys in Titanic!"" I yelled at the ocean, who ignored me like most celebrities."