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Joke of the Day

"Half of my Facebook friends are still there solely because their life is a train wreck and it's entertaining."

"Sexually rubbing the wall until you find the light switch."

"Cop: You doin drugs? ""No"" Cop: Whatya smokin? ""Pot"" Cop: THATS DOING DRUGS ""Ohh I thought you meant like [whispers] having sex with drugs"""

"So some Mexican lady named Patricia listened to the new Adele and cried so much she's flooding Mexico"

"My new computer is so fast that I told them to deliver it next Monday and it's here already."

"A hyena walks up to the check in counter in an airport... ... and throws a rotting gazelle onto the desk. The counter person shouts ""what is this?"" and the hyena says ""it's my carrion""."

"dear matt Damon for Halloween I think you should go as Matt Demon or Good Will Haunting. text me if you do"

"I saved a bunch of money on car insurance By switching to reverse and fleeing the scene"

"I've started a new business making statues of people who can tell the future... ...so far, I'm making a prophet."

"What do you call a body with no nose? Nobody knows!"