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Joke of the Day

"""What charities do you donate to?"" ""I mostly just leave sunglasses all over the world."""

"Did you know that Hillary's planning on being the first TG President? Yeah - after she's elected, she has plans to turn into a woman."

"*wife leaves message on fridge w/ magnets* WE ARET HROUGH maybe it's an anagram *rearranges* ROUGH WEATHER whoa better pack an umbrella"

"""Let's eat, Pappy."" Not ""Let's eat Pappy."" Proof grammar saves lives."

"Which lip am I supposed to bite to look sexy in selfies? Cuz I look like a werewolf when I bite my top lip"

"I thought I liked spheres then I realized they're pointless."

"What's worse than a pedophile? A fucking pedophile."

"I would feel morally obligated to eat whatever I kill... So please don't try to rob my house..."

"I can tell my Girlfriends ass is getting bigger, She fits in my Wife's jeans."

"(Quick one-liner joke:) Why are pretty women like pianos? Because when they're not upright, they're grand!"