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Joke of the Day

"Wife: ""Do you want to watch Batman Forever?"" Me: ""I'll watch it for a couple of hours."" Wife: ""I hate you."""

"A bear walks into a bar Bartender: "" What will you have sir?"" Bear: ""Gin............ and tonic."" Bartender: ""Why the big pause?"" Bear: ""I dont know my dad had them too."""

"So I had a blind date this weekend... I lied. &nbsp; She could see."

"""My dad is a famous spy"" Yeah my dad sucks at his job too"

"My friend was cold so i told her to stand in a corner. Corners are 90 degrees."

"In the south, you're either ghetto, or a farmer. You can't be both, otherwise... *It's racism.*"

"I like my women like I like my coffee Bitter"

"One day my kids will find a ""We're Closed"" sign for a grocery store & ask what it is & I'll sound like the old guy explaining shit in Zelda."

"""Give it to me!! I'm so fucking wet!"" She screamed at me... ""Fuck off. This is MY umbrella."""

"From the pilot during his welcome message: ""We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none of them are on this flight."